My Birthday..

Its my birthday in exactly 40 mins...


The plan honestly was to continue studying for my upcoming exam but I'm having a hard time focusing.
So I've decided to .... whats the word... reminisce this last couple of years, especially last year...

Normally, I'm uber excited about my birthday but now, not so much... I guess I'm getting older.. you know reaching that age of accountablilty.

I just keep thinking about what has happened and what my next goal is and honestly my general outlook on life..

I am beyond NERVOUS for this upcoming stage in my life like it could actually be considered being excessively scared.
I don't know what to think, what to do... Im genuinely not prepared for this new year... mentally , physically, emotionally...
My life ... has been alot of tears and there's been alot of breakdowns

I'm not ready.

I want to re-do this last year but even if I did, I dont know exactly what I would change that would make everything right or perfect.

I'm very paranoid and ..... my emotions are just overheated these days... sometimes I think I'm pregnant... (I'm not ooh!)

All in alll... I am thankful...
I cannot count how many stages God has literally carried me... and I knew.
Even with all the nights I went to bed crying and woke up in tears (I didnt think that was possible till I experienced it ) , I just knew there was someone who was there... He was always watching and has been my ultimate rock...

I did not want to celebrate my birthday.

Not because I'm not thankful, but mostly because I just didn't feel like it.... This year had nothing to be excited or "jumpy" about...

Sigh..
I'm honestly tired of growing up... and I haven't even started....

If there is anything I want more this upcoming year than ever is really God's Favour and Mercy... I think that is all I could really ask for..

His Favour and Mercy.. Thats it.

In 10 mins, I am going to close this chapter and start a new one... This has been the hardest chapter of them all and I hope it stays that way for a really long time...

New Beginnings, New Blessings and by the Grace of God, New Joys....

Hi, My name is LadyT and I turned a year older on June 2nd 2013...