Single Diaries #2: Sexual Liberation

I am a 22 year old with a sex drive, and I have done alot to try to curb it.

First and foremost , I am a Nigerian and a Christian

From a the time I can remember, being a virgin and abstaining from sex is something that has been preached to me all my life. For the past 22 years, I have worked very hard at trying to reach this goal of waiting till my wedding night.

I remember being 10 and thinking of having my first kiss in front of the church . At 17, I promised to abstain from sex in front of my mother.

I am older now. I got into sexual activities based on my very curious mind. My parents wouldn't talk to me about sex so I searched the next best thing that I could possibly think of: The Internet. One day, I got caught and slapped to the core of my body and honestly that was one of the worst days of my life. I swore to never look at porn or read eroticas anymore.

But then I went to university and I was finally free. I struggled with that promise but I never stopped trying. In my 3rd year I began to live a little on the edge and started experimenting. I didn't have sex but I slowly stopped controlling my sexual urges. By 4th year, I still had restrictions but I stopped trying to experiment as much.

I have graduated now and honestly, I still try to control my sexual urges... But now I am definitely reaching a brink

I want to have sex... (there I said it)

As crazy as it sounds, I have an inner freak in me that is dying to to be set free. I want to try a lot of things. I want to be sexually free. I'm not trying to be a prostitute but I want to experience all the emotions and feelings that come with sex.

But I cant seem to let myself go. My boundaries always restrict me. I still haven't had sex. But a part of me is fed up.

One twin really wants to wait for the one.. get married and then have sex. But the other twin (I'm a Gemini) Wants to be a freak.. try things, be sexual and sensual. She wants to try it all. She is dying on the inside and she is begging to be let out.

But every time I come to this crossroad, I am constantly reminded about the price I'll have to pay. What if I start having sex and then because of my body count I never get married. what if the one finds me and decides to label me as a whore. What if all the amazing sexual experiences i have enjoyed unable me enjoy or get satisfied with sleeping with my husband.

And there's the other side, What if I end up cheating on my husband because I didn't fully live out my whoring days. what if I marry a prude person that isn't ready to explore their sexuality and I end up being stuck as the perfect wife.

22 is the time to have sex and not feel guilty. To be sexually active and enjoy everything that comes with it. I'm not trying to have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry. I just want to have sex and enjoy the experience of loving my body and loving myself. I want to know what gets me excited and what makes me orgasm. I want to be sexual and not feel guilty about being sexual. I want to love being sexual and not be ashamed of it.

I know Love may not come with it .. and i may never find love once i start fucking guys. but i think i need t get to a place where I am OK with that. and to be honest if i was to get married today, i would still want someone that could match y sex drive and wouldn't make me feel ashamed for wanting to have sex or try new sexual adventures.

Single Diaries #1 : Situtationship

I have been in a relationship or a situationship with an atheist.

I might still be in this situation but as of now it is to be determined.

We met about 3 years ago through my mutual friend who turned out to be his cousin.

I am struggling with this one mostly because my brain and my heart don't correlate.

I am a Christian (from the day I was born till the day I die) and I think I have partially fooled myself into believing this will work.

We are TOTAL OPPOSITES (apart from our religion) and I seem to struggle with our differences a lot.  We don't fight a lot because we try to "respect each others principles" but we can never agree on anything. I honestly feel like the reason we don't fight is because I tolerate his exuberance and I try not to do too many things that I like around him. I am always accommodating him but once I decide to do something I like, he completely ignores me.

This past weekend when he came over, we had a misunderstanding and normally I would apologize and try to work it out but he flat out left and so I think we are done now.

He would always say, "If I walk out of your door angry chances are I won't ever come back" .

I don't miss him, I'm just forced to face reality that I am single and I need to meet new people and find a man that makes me happy. I have been blessed by God with a great job, my own place and little credit problems. I remain thankful.

This is the beginning of my journey to my engagement  #LadyT2020

In the comments, Let me know, Would you date someone that is the total opposite of you? Do opposites really attract?

I'm Back

It only took 3 Years  for me to realize that I need to get back to blogging. I've been thinking about it for over a year and at first, I thought I'd start a new blog. Then I realized it wouldn't make sense.

I think its time for me to make a pledge to you guys:

I,  Lady T, solemnly promise to consistently blog for the rest of this year (atleast once a month) until I figure out my life.


I am no longer that girl from 2014. I now have a job, my own place and I am still hella single with a plan to marry or get engaged within the next 3 years. (I will be writing alot about this)

Why did I come back?

Because I love this shit!!!!!(pardon the french... I'm feeling grown now) 

I used to love reading relationship stories online , peoples personal journeys and its kinda died over the years. I'm not saying it will come back anytime soon but... Im going to work out my journey here for now.

This is definitely a lifestyle blog and Its going to entail alot of things I like. I apologize if it might seem not to have a direction for a while but I'm excited about this journey and I cant wait to walk this path with you guys.

Still a naijababe in a foreign land, Lets get to it!

SMILE

Im at a point in my life where a lot of things about relationships baffle me.
dont get me wrong.
Ive been out of the "market " for about two years. I gave my self enough time to heal and grow and develop and everyday I am greatful to God for developing me into the woman I have now become.
I went from the fat ignorant kid to the more self aware woman. Most importantly, I went from Hating to loving completely and that has been the biggest change for me

I met some... someones... a lot of someones...
In the past couple of months I have crushed on more guys than I can count, I have liked a lot more than I have liked in my entire life. I havent fallen in Love but I have been open, let my guard and defences down and Ive decided to just let things flow.

But there is this one... I cant wrap my head around it... Hes perfect in everyway except one. HEs a self acclaimed ASHEWO. I know it, everyone knows it but its weird. I know I cant have a future with him and I know that we will never work out and I know I should just carry my slippers and run ... but everytime I think of him, I Smile :) .. I smile sooo hard I think my cheeks are going to hurt and I dream. I dream about something that'll never exist.

I really dont understand how this whole thing works but its crazy... I admit, I get jealous when I see him with other girls or when I hear about other girls... Ive been honest with him. Told him I liked Him and He told me it would never work and I accept it.

I know he isnt the one... everything in me knows but he still makes me smile and jealous and angry. He brings out every single emotion. and then I look at him and pardon my language but I just want to say FUCK YOU!

Fuck you for making me feel this way, fuck you for being an asshole. fuck you for existing. fuck you for being in my circle and denying me the opportunity to toally cut you off so i can move on with my life. fuck you for being you. FUCK YOU!

We will never be. I need time for my subconcious to process it. the other day my friend said she wouldnt wish for him to be with her worst enemy talkless of her friend. and I laughed cos I knew I wouldnt wish him on any of my friends either. HE IS THE WORST.

I guess for now I'll keep smiling till my brain moves on... :)

My Birthday..

Its my birthday in exactly 40 mins...


The plan honestly was to continue studying for my upcoming exam but I'm having a hard time focusing.
So I've decided to .... whats the word... reminisce this last couple of years, especially last year...

Normally, I'm uber excited about my birthday but now, not so much... I guess I'm getting older.. you know reaching that age of accountablilty.

I just keep thinking about what has happened and what my next goal is and honestly my general outlook on life..

I am beyond NERVOUS for this upcoming stage in my life like it could actually be considered being excessively scared.
I don't know what to think, what to do... Im genuinely not prepared for this new year... mentally , physically, emotionally...
My life ... has been alot of tears and there's been alot of breakdowns

I'm not ready.

I want to re-do this last year but even if I did, I dont know exactly what I would change that would make everything right or perfect.

I'm very paranoid and ..... my emotions are just overheated these days... sometimes I think I'm pregnant... (I'm not ooh!)

All in alll... I am thankful...
I cannot count how many stages God has literally carried me... and I knew.
Even with all the nights I went to bed crying and woke up in tears (I didnt think that was possible till I experienced it ) , I just knew there was someone who was there... He was always watching and has been my ultimate rock...

I did not want to celebrate my birthday.

Not because I'm not thankful, but mostly because I just didn't feel like it.... This year had nothing to be excited or "jumpy" about...

Sigh..
I'm honestly tired of growing up... and I haven't even started....

If there is anything I want more this upcoming year than ever is really God's Favour and Mercy... I think that is all I could really ask for..

His Favour and Mercy.. Thats it.

In 10 mins, I am going to close this chapter and start a new one... This has been the hardest chapter of them all and I hope it stays that way for a really long time...

New Beginnings, New Blessings and by the Grace of God, New Joys....

Hi, My name is LadyT and I turned a year older on June 2nd 2013...

Midnight Inspirations: Kerry Washington

Last night, I spent at least 3 hours watching videos about this phenomenal women... I wanted to know who she was, and what she stood for.  I have grown to respect her.. From my 3 hrs. Here's some reasons why

1. She's a smarty. She has a phd and she finished her undergraduate studies with honours, on scholarship and created a new type of minor by the time she graduated( paved a path) 

2. She's a hard worker. She BALANCED Her life. Between school and the requirements for her scholarship 

3. I watched one of her acceptance speeches and it was actually a speech not one of those "omg! I didn't think I'd get this award"

4. She has a terrible laugh. Just like me 😊

5. She is a leader. Even though she seemed super humble  but when she was with the scandal cast you could tell that she was the team captain.  And the biggest thing is she wasn't the oldest on set but she was still the path setter. 

After watching a gazillion videos, I learnt that 

1. Quirky laughs make other people laugh

2. I learnt that in life I am writing my own story and no one else's. I must learn to Live my way and not through anyone else

3. Leading is GOOD. I've always had a love hate with leading. Not really a big fan but Kerry proved to me that leaders are shakers and changers. They infect and affect everyone around them young and old. I want to be a shaker and therefore I must be ready to lead. 

4. Being prepared isn't a bad thing. It's better to be prepared than unprepared. She didn't settle for mediocrity by giving the usual lame excuse but she set a standard! :)

5. It's good to be smart. Forget about the rumors of the successful dropouts. If you actually look at THIER stories you would understand that they were highly intelligent dropouts some even smarter than THIER profs. 

To me Kerry Washington made it cool to have a phd. And to be a graduate with honours. Not a lot of people inspire the youth in that way anymore. I want my last few yrs in UNI to be all about the smarts and maybe one day when I'm super smart I can change the world in my own little way like Kerry did. :)

EME ALBUM REVIEW!

 *Picks up mic*
  Okay I deserve every form of attack but I wanted to start my coming back with an EME album review. This is because I am a HUGE, if not the BIGGEST EME fan on the planet. I have listened to this album 6 times now, 5 times in a row yesterday and the last time, this morning. I would suggest that if you're looking for a particular comment to a song you scroll down, this post is REALLY long. I honestly tried to shorten it. In order to save my final judgement, lerrus begin: 

1) Baddest Boy – E.M.E feat WizKid, Skales & Banky W. - LOVE THIS SONG!. I refused to listen to the leaked version till the original version was released and I believe anyone who has listened to both will tell you the original is way better. Wizkid, is flawless, as usual.... I love the fact that he talks about his "haters" in a more comical way "Ogbeni wizzy, se kosi, you to dey form, kilo fa oshi" and I love the fact the he also adds a prayer " lodun tun tun e ma ko le mo le (this year, you will build houses)" I thought that was very remarkable *kept saying AMEN*. Skales, was just Skales being a boss and I loved it!. Banky was just the icing to the cake and he had some pretty deep punchlines "your girl spent the night at mine, make her breakfast". I thought he did a phenomenal job.

2)  Get Down Tonight - E.M.E feat Wizkid, Skales & Banky W. - This song just comes across as a typical party dance song. I won't lie, at the beginning of the song, I thought it was fine lady with lynxxx. I don't know it just never caught my attention until the third time i listened to the album. Not one of my favorite tracks, but it's still a hit... a slow one.


3)  Sun Mo Mi - E.M.E feat ShayDee, Skales & Banky W.- *sigh* I LOVE SHAYDEE!. Is it to early to start professing love? :$... He just reminds me of Wande Coal in sooo many ways. His vocals are on point and I'm honestly going to be watching out for him!. Skales nailed it! his lyrics are ALWAYS my favourites... I can't wait till he blows the way wizzy has!. Banky was on point in this song nothing 100% outstanding. This song is definitely on the top 10 for me, cos of shaydee's vocals.


4)  Hate (Part 1) – E.M.E feat BasketMouth - LOL! Linda's Blog is always the topic for horrible haters. Not my favourite hate though but Basketmouth did his thing!

5)  Roll It – E.M.E feat WizKid & Banky W. - FIREDANCER !!!!!!!!!! Oh Lawd! this was the FIRST SONG that stood out to me when I listened to this album the first time!. love the beat, WIZZY MURDERED IT!... not killed!. I honestly think this is one of the best songs, if not the best song on this album. BANKY KILLED IT!... His rap was amazing "she said she got boyfriend, Cool story" -- I chopped that one from afar!.

6) Find My Trouble – E.M.E feat Banky W., ShayDee & Skales - Another Hit!.. didn't hit me till the second time but I like this song!... Everyone killed it! "lepa toh ni cargo!".... nuff said.

7) Body – E.M.E feat WizKid - NOT IMPRESSED! I feel like something is missing in this song! Just a little "umph" . Its a song, but its not a good song! it feels like a passby song. The lyrics aren't even all that either.

8 ) Ko Mo Le – E.M.E feat Skales - THIS SONG IS A JAM, LIKE MUKULU!. love it!, Skales delivered! Its a party song too but it has the "umph"!.

9) Dance – E.M.E feat Banky W. & X.O Senavoe - "Oh girl you driving me wild!". This song is GOOOOD. Senavoe delivered! this is the first time I really listened to him so I was impressed. The beat for this song is really the reason why this song is that good, other than that, I am sure we can all agree that Banky likes girls that can dance and also has billions! (That's what he said!).

10) Don’t Delay Me – E.M.E feat Niyola - I was really excited to hear this girl on a track since i never really knew her but she DIDN'T impress me on this one. This song is ok but I wanted to LOVE her songs since she has so much experience and she's been in the industry for a long time now. Don't like this song, I PRAY it grows on me.

11) London Girl – E.M.E feat WizKid - *sigh* I AM MAD AT YOU! BECAUSE IT'S LONDON GIRLS COULDN'T IT BE NIGERIAN GIRLS OR CANADIAN GIRLS?????.  Other than that, its a HIT! Dammit! He impressed me AGAIN!. 

12) Hate (Part II) – E.M.E feat BasketMouth - I Like this HATE!. BasketMouth definitely impressed.

13) Dance For Me – E.M.E feat WizKid - This song is a good song! not GREAT just good!. to me sha!... I know for a fact that its going to grow on me so I couldn't be bothered!.. They've made a video for it already its just a matter of time.

14)  Follow Go House – E.M.E feat Skales, ShayDee & Banky W.- #SEGSHUA (#SEXUAL) ....Skales really made me begin to LOVE him on this song. He is amazing, and so are Banky and Shaydee. Sexual song.. not my kinda song but its a good song.

15) My Baby – E.M.E feat Skales - I LOVE THIS SONG!!...... SKALES! LETS GET MARRIED!... BABA GOD! PLS LET BANKY MAKE A VIDEO FOR THIS SONG!...*sigh* even if you don't listen to this album, do everything to listen to this song. 10/10 !

16) Only You – E.M.E feat Banky W., ShayDee & Rotimi - I'm really happy Rotimi is on this album, he is truly phenomenal, I wish he sang more naija songs. (http://rotimimusic.com/) . #SEGSHUA . This song is a GOOD song though!

17) Reppin’ EMEazzyyy – E.M.E feat Skales, WizKid & Banky W. - Love the beat of this song and I strongly believe it came from another song!. If anyone finds it, PLS comment Abeg!.  Its a good song all round.

18) Wetin I Want – E.M.E feat Skales & Niyola - An AMAZING song. This is where Niyola finally won my like not love ooh but I like her now... SKALES IS A MURDERER and he speaks yoruba like its his second language. Absolutely PHENOMENAL!. S to da K!!. The song is very fun related and its a good song, amazing beats and on point lyrics. No disappointments.

19) Change – E.M.E feat Banky W., Skales, WizKid, ShayDee & Niyola -  A song with a true message. It a good song. LOVE the message about Nigeria and how we can make a change.

20) See My Mama – E.M.E feat WizKid, Banky W. & ShayDee -  Another GOOD Song!... Amazing vocals and its a song I see myself dancing too. I feel like I got to meet Wizkid and Banky again, when they started. Although I feel like Shaydee blended and he didn't really shine for me in this song.

21) Hate (Part III) – E.M.E feat BasketMouth - Favorite Hate!!

22) Can’t Stop Us – E.M.E All Stars - PERFECT ENDING SONG !!!!!!!!!!!! DEFINITELY 10/10. EVERYONE KILLED IT!! 10/10.

My Top 5
1) My Baby - Skales truly SHINED!!
2) Roll it- Wizzy was ON POINT!
3) Can't Stop Us - FLAWLESS!
4) Sun Mo MI - ... *sigh*
5) Wetin I Want - Amazing Song!

Baddest boy would've been number 2/3 but it didn't qualify because I heard it before the album came out.

CONCLUSION: It is a good album but I feel like Shaydee blended alot in most of the songs so he didn't get to shine! and Niyola is good but I really want to see something better. SKALES IS THE BEST ARTIST ON THIS ALBUM! . He truly delivered and I can't wait until his album comes out!. It is an outstanding album and it has a mix of everything. Although, I feel like SOME of the songs where generic from some artists (party and sexual songs), I feel the album did its job of making us aware of the new comers in EME.


RATING: 8/10. AND I SAY, GET THE ALBUM FOR FREE, IF YOU CAN! (Sorry Banky, but I'm a cheap babe but I will pay to see you sha!)

Tharrisall

*sigh* *passes mic*